Creative things to do with idle buses???

It was brutally cold in Breckenridge as we loaded skiers for the trip home. The 4104 barely started, and wouldn’t rev… it became clear that the throttle cable was frozen. The only way to get home was over Hoosier Pass, and you actually needed some throttle to climb it. We sent a guy to Sears to get 50’ of clothesline.

Tying one end to the yoke on the governor, we ran it up the left side of the bus and pulled the end through the driver’s ticket window. Voila… a hand throttle. Off we went over the mountain. Nothing’s more fun than using things in ways different than their designers intended.

The market is currently ugly…. so, what do we do with idle buses? We can sell some to churches and schools, and turn a bunch into motorhomes… but over the years you’ve come to expect more from this column… so here’s a list of 10 really bad uses for coaches. Please understand, I’m not that bright. Every one of these things has actually been done… This is simply stealing other people’s ideas.

So here are my BOTTOM ten second careers for motorcoaches.

1. Transport hogs to market. Years ago a Nebraska farmer bought a surplus Scenicruiser, removed the seats and carried pigs in comfort. If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic behind a regular hog truck, you’ll understand he did the pigs, and the public, a favor.

2. “Spiro Agnew For Governor Mobile Headquarters” When our old Aerocoach’s motor croaked, my boss sold it to Agnew’s campaign. They towed it around to different locales, using it as an office. We older folks know how that sorted out. Surely you know some politicians…

3. Bomb Shelter. Shortly after 9/11 an enterprising Long Island operator rented a number of coaches to a Manhattan bank. They were positioned as barriers to prevent the approach of potential car bombs. Nice work if you can get it… burns no fuel. It’s uncertain how his insurance company felt about the idea (or if they knew).

4. Interior decorating. A long time “bus guy” took apart a Scenicruiser and re-assembled the drivers station in his living room. This may not work for married men.

5. Artificial Reef. If they can dump old MTA subway cars in the Atlantic off New Jersey… why not motorcoaches? Instead of shipping them overseas, ship them underseas.

6. Beerliner. 1400miles.com/the-beerliner/ A 45’ coach could carry a LOT more beverage. ‘nuff said…

7. Blimp dock… for years Goodyear used Flxibles (with anchor masts) in their blimp program. For the record, the Hindenburg was a dirigible, NOT a blimp.

8. Windbreak at a salvage yard. We gave a bunch of old Mack transits to a junkyard, on the condition that we could come back and take off any parts we needed. Worked out pretty well till I was under one, pulling used bellows off, and kicked the jack over.

9. Forget about them. I was at a Great Big Busline garage years ago when the yard manager did his required daily count. There were supposed to be 73 coaches, so he peeked out the window and said “looks like 73 to me”. Just pretend the old ones don’t exist (and hope the finance company is OK with it).

10. Deathmobile. Leave it to the creative Communist Chinese to come up with the bottom of the vehicular barrel. In an effort to provide quality service to outlying communities that can’t afford their own executioner, the ChiComs have developed traveling execution vans.

A coach would provide superior quality in an application where seat belts aren’t necessary, and there are few complaints. I hope this helps, and would really love to hear your ideas.

Remember, there may be danger in improvising. Back in the days when antifreeze was alcohol based, my buddy Bob was checking the coolant level in his bus. He couldn’t see it, and didn’t have a flashlight, so he used his lighter. In a flash, his eyebrows were burned off, and for years afterward… he was known as “Sparky”.